I'm sitting in my backyard right now, looking up at some spectacular clouds. It's a sunny day, but there is this patchy blanket of cloud cover stretching across the whole sky, as far as I can see, making me feel both incredibly small and tenderly enveloped, like a favorite blanket when we tuck in to bed.  

There is a second layer of clouds, lower, moving faster, and I feel like I could almost reach out and touch them, compared to the mother-layer clouds watching from above.  

It was kind of a rough morning. 

Have you seen the movie "Away We Go," with Maya Rudolph and John Krasinski? Mr. Giraffe and I watched it years ago - long before we were parents - and we found it to be quite entertaining. I think if we watched it now, having crossed over to the dark side - er, I mean, having become parents - we would have a whole new appreciation for the scenes in which Maggie Gyllenhall delightfully portrays a woman who is, I would say, a little too attached to her own children.

If you've seen it, you know the scene.

Okay. I'm going to take a short minute to use my little space on the internet here to do some self-indulgent whining. 

More and more I'm seeing posts on social media about how proud people are to breastfeed, or that their partner is breastfeeding, etc. 

I get it. It's a big deal! It's hard. It can take a lot of work and can be agonizing for months before a groove is ever found, if at all. It's a natural, healthy way for moms to feed their babies and we should stop giving these moms so much crap about it when they do it in public.

It's June. Already! Our little bug will be 5 months old on Monday and I'm pretty sure I'm going to forget. So, preemptive 5-month-old baby celebration. Woo! 

In other news (and I'm fully aware of the hypocrisy of what I am about to write), I really think the age of the internet and the ability everyone now has to share their thoughts/opinions on a stage for all to see/hear/read is doing more harm than good. I see a lot of good things, don't get me wrong. There are good things I have learned or discovered because of the internet. Coconut oil, for example. Avocado oil. Other recipes involving coconut by-products and avocado. I use facebook and read blogs a lot for work, and I have learned wonderful things as a result. I've made connections with wonderful, helpful people.

But here's the thing - I think facebook/the internet in general stresses me out more than it helps me. 

I recently realized how alone I feel as a new parent. I mentioned something like this on facebook and so many moms responded - they too have felt incredibly alone. A lot of the responses were about missing social interaction and feeling isolated from friends and relationships. I get that. I felt that way a lot for the first couple months, especially while I was home alone on maternity leave.

But now, for me, it's not about being lonely. I am around people all the time - at work, on the weekends, evenings at home with husband and child. I don't miss people for people's sake. 

For me, right now, it's more of a feeling of being left alone - abandoned - to do the hardest thing in the history of the world (be a parent).

We're told there are two topics you should never discuss with other people - politics and religion. I happily venture into both realms on a regular basis, being the my profession is in one of them (religion), and that one often influences the other (politics). Even though I am passionate about my perspectives and strong in my beliefs, I'm not nervous to debate or disagree with another person about these things. We can agree to disagree and continue on our merry way.

But bring up breastfeeding vs. formula feeding and I'm a little (A LOT) afraid to speak up.